Life Tragedy.

Money:

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket; the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"

She had a shoe box with her; she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

(Thanks Jessica)

An Investigation.

Cinderella Would Be Shocked:

Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"

Life Oooops......

The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever!

Let’s face it – we’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. Just be thankful that none of them were as humiliating (and hilarious!) as these:

               "A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"

         "A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that  sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

         "A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

 

       An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

Its the part of the Life

The World’s Funniest Real Ads:

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

• Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

• For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

• Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

• Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

• For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

• Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

• Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

• Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

• Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

• Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

• Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

• Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

• Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

• Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

• Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

• Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.

• ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

• Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

• Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

• Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

• German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

• Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

• Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."

• Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

• Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.

• Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"

• 1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.

• Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.

• Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.

• Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

A Lesson

Power of Charisma:

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Dont be Silly....!

Never Ever Compare to Others:

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Employee Lesson

Differentiate of Thoughts: 

       A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Humour

If Ever U Find Yourself In Such A Situation, Pray For Intelligent(Non-Blonde?) Friends!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'

A Pray for My Friends...!

A Pray for My Friends...!

I asked GOD:
Let all my friends be healthy
and happy forever...!

GOD said:
But for 4 days only....!

I said:
Yes, let them be a
Spring Day,
Summer Day,
Autumn Day,
and Winter Day.

GOD said:
3 days.

I said:
Yes, Yesterday,
Today
and Tomorrow.

GOD said:
No, 2 days!

I said:
Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime)
and Dark Day (Night-time) .

GOD said:
No, just 1 day!

I said:
Yes!

GOD asked:
Which day?

I said:
Every Day
in the living years
of all my friends!

GOD laughed, and said:
All your friends will be healthy
and happy Every Day!

GOD said
Good friends
must keep in contact!


Be Happy......!

NOW YOU KNOW WHY

Organized Outdoor Dining - 10 Tips

Organized Outdoor Dining - 10 Tips

Now that summer is here, my family and I have been eating outside on our deck for the past few weeks...how nice it is to eat outdoors, listen to the birds singing, and enjoy quality family conversation--all at the same time!

To stay organized for outdoor dining...

1.Check the weather. Don't take chances on being rained out. If the event is planned well ahead of time, consider reserving a pavilion or renting a canopy in the event of inclement weather. For spontaneous outdoor dining, be flexible and understand that weather often changes quickly and you may have to alter your plans.

2.Keep hot food hot. Be sure hot foods are cooked to above 140 degrees F and kept to at least 140 degrees F if not eaten promptly.

3.Keep cold food cold. An upset stomach is not something you want to remember about your outdoor dining event. Use coolers and lots of ice to keep potentially hazardous foods well chilled and don't leave food dishes out in the hot sun where bacteria will thrive. Keep filled coolers in air- conditioned vehicles when traveling, not in the trunk, and refrain from opening and closing the lid often.

4.Bring wet wipes. Eating outside is often messy and having the ability to wipe off hands with a moist cloth is helpful when no hand-washing facilities are present. Keep a pack in your car for unexpected outdoor dining gatherings and include a bottle of hand sanitizer as well.

5.Think about the eating surface. You may want to bring along a large vinyl tablecloth to make dining more pleasant. Picnic benches are often nasty surfaces and difficult to clean, so covering the picnic bench or other surface with a tablecloth makes good sense. Weigh down your tablecloth with rocks in the case of windy conditions, or purchase clips or weights to be used for that purpose.

6.Don't forget the sun block. Even on cloudy days, your skin is quickly susceptible to burning. If there is a lot of reflective surface around, such as pavement or water, sunburn is a risk as well, even in winter. Even if you remember yours before leaving your house, someone may forget theirs, so bring some sun block along.

7.Bring activities for outdoor dining events. If food is cooked on site, it may be a long time before being served. If kids are involved (or even just adults), having activities planned helps pass the time and keeps people active. Bring a ball, flying disk or maybe even a kite if the location is right.

8.Consider net covers for serving food dishes. Purchase inexpensive umbrella-like, fold out mesh covers to keep flying insects out of the food. These covers are often found in discount stores during the summer season.

9.Bring an empty trash bag. Clean up well after yourself and leave the outdoor dining site as you found it, or better, so that others may enjoy the location after you leave.

10.Take note of your surroundings. Don't concentrate so much on the food, that you forget where you are. Savor your meal, but look around and take in the scenery around you.

This is really a great suspense....!

           

This is really a great suspense...

Read it carefully to know what it is.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, my car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, we can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, we can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, real funny. May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, this is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

DON'T HUNT ME DOWN COS I'M STILL HUNTING THE PERSON WHO SENT ME THIS !!

The Grace of God......!

 The Grace of God......!

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons The Grace of God.

Small Story...BIG MORAL...!!!

Small Story...BIG MORAL...!!!

Once a boy went to a shop with his mother.

The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle

with sweets and said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets... but the

child

didn't take. The shop keeper was surprised.. such a small child he is

and

why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the

sweets.... now mother also heard that and said.. beta take the sweets..

yet he didn't take...

?The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself

took

sweets and gave to the child...... the child was happy to get two

hands full of sweets ....

When returned to home Mother asked child...

Why didnt you take the sweets... when shop keeper told you to take...

Can you guess the response:-

Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets

I can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands....

how many more sweets i got!

Moral:

When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more

beyond our expectations.... more than what we can hold......................

One More Specimen in my Life.....!

One More Specimen in my Life.

This happened in 2004 when I was doing my 2nd year Mechanical Engineering. My wealthy room-mate from a conservative family based out of a small town got admission to the same course by 'donating' X Lakhs.

I took him along to buy couple of Auto-Magazines.

Him: Are you going to read this book or glance only the pics.

Me: 'Hitting my Head'!

After some days, he comes to me and says that his dad has decided to buy another 'car' for the family and left the choice to him. I suggested him Me: You already have a small-car(2 yr old Zen) and a Sedan(Ikon), so go for Scorpio or Safari

Him: We are only 4 in the family so why a big car

Me: Your sis is getting married in couple of months and it would be really useful that time

Him: In such cases, we will take two cars

Me: You already have 'cars', go for 'SUVs', The middle row will give you the SOFA comfort

He calls up his dad immediately, and tries to console him on the Scorpio repeating the same words I had told him and gets his reply. He turns to me while his dad is on the phone

Him: My Dad is saying, If you want to sit in a Sofa-sit on it while at home, why on the car?

Me: Do you want AC in your car?

Him: Mmmm..Yes Of course

Me: Why do you want AC in your car if you have it at your home.

His Dad heard it via the Phone. I disappeared immediately and he had a nice lecture about the kind of friends he has made.

Life is Too Beautiful............!

 Life is Too Beautiful

When a pair of footprints

In the sands of time

Walk alongside of you

And make it fine

It has to feel just so wonderful

Your heart it sings

Life is Beautiful!

When you catch the rain

On a scorching day

When the showers cool

Just make your day

It has to feel just so wonderful

Your heart it sings

Life is Beautiful!

When someone kisses

The tip o’ your nose

and with feather hands

gathers you so close

It has to feel just so wonderful

Your heart it sings

Life is Beautiful!

When baby hands

Grip your fingers tight

And a gentle smile

Shows all it’s might

It has to feel just so wonderful

Your heart it sings

Life is Beautiful!

DOES GOD EXIST....!

DOES GOD EXIST

An explanation by a young brain

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:

"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?

Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.

I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.

"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer.

"That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!

That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.

That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

If you think God exists, send this to other people—

If you think God does not exist, delete it!

BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS !!!!!!!

Lie Detector

Lie Detector

 

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from school two hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John..

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.